We are getting freezing rain reports and have been all night (I am writing this at 10 pm Monday). I don't know what the morning will bring but I am already worried.
Freezing rain had been threatened most of the day and I had been watching the weather throughout the school day. At 3 pm, the snowflakes started. I was on prep so I got my things ready to go home. I get anxious with reports of snow and freezing rain. I have never had a full-blown anxiety attack, but I have come close.
Twenty-eight years ago I fell asleep behind the wheel of a car, rolled to the side of the road and then, when I was jarred awake, I pulled the car back onto the road, causing it to roll across the highway. My daughter still has the scars across her forehead and I still suffer from the whiplash I received. But we were very lucky. We had been moving from Alberta back to Ontario and had been driving for 24 hours straight. My husband
( now my ex thank God), refused to stop in Winnipeg where I had family.
It took me a year before I drove again. But the fear was there and still exerts its ugly hold on me. I cannot drive on major highways (like the 401). I find it difficult to drive to new places. It takes many repetitions before I am comfortable with the new route. I know my children always were upset because I couldn't drive some places. I tried to find alternatives for them,
Even today, my husband does all the driving when we go anywhere, especially on a long trip. It is hard on him I know, but the fear is so deep, I cannot drive. He is very understanding - he has never forced me to do what I feel I cannot do.
So back to the freezing rain. When the weather turns bad, I can feel the fear rising. I have driven at times with other teachers to work and I have called in sick - as I usually have a migraine by this time.
I know I am a good driver, I know my 1/2 hour route to school, but the fear is always there when the weather is iffy.
I say a prayer every time I get in the car - to be surrounded by angels, to be protected.
I wish I could be different and just get in the car and drive. I have thought of taking another driving course but I have not been able to force myself to.
Hopefully, the morning will not be as bad as I am imagining now.
4 comments:
Oh, Beverley, you shouldn't be embarrassed about this fear. Clearly it comes from your accident. As long as you can work things out, it's okay. I think everyone does the best they can every single day, & you are too! Wishes for you!
Sorry to hear about your driving anxiety...I could feel the tension in your writing about making the choice to get behind the wheel or not...hope the roads were passable enough to get home and stay safe...
I'm not a fan of driving on slick roads either. I'm wishing you well!
Reading this at 9:30 on Tuesday night. Hopefully you got home ok and the roads were better this morning. Sad how one experience can have such a huge impact on our lives. Thank heaven for supportive family and friends.
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